In all honesty, it was an evening of frustration that preceded this milestone achievement. I was craving Pizza Hut pizza and Pecan Praline ice cream, but it was the end of the month and due to planning my upcoming bicycle trip, and other circumstances, I felt like I didn’t have the money to spend on frivolous food whims.
Financial frustrations are the biggest frustrations I have and though I wont go into details, what it comes down to is despite some very hard work and years of sacrifices I routinely feel that the inevitable financial rewards are never going to get here for me to enjoy. So as I was feeling completely irritated that I once again was not getting what I wanted, I ended up eating a dinner of popcorn and ruby-red squirt. I went to bed resigned to my fate of self-denial and a little upset. I know, a bit dramatic, but I did say I was being honest.
Morning dawns and I weigh as usual. My stomach was growling because my body is use to eating 2500 calories daily and my yesterday ended around 1600 calories. Anyway, I stepped on the scale and there it was, 199.4. If I were my young optimistic self I’d probably have done a happy dance, but since I’m an older version of myself (that I like a lot less actually), it takes a little longer for it to sink in. I told my husband, who said “Congratulations, how do you feel?” I replied “hungry, I didn’t get dinner.” Hmm, maybe that’s why my family calls me the fun Nazi. “NO fun for you!”
A little later in the day, I had my hubby take some pictures of me with a sign that said 199.4 on it. Then when I was looking at the pictures, for the first time in my life I said “the angle you took these picture from makes me look sickly thin. I just saw myself in some other pictures and I still look really fat.” However, I realized while it does have something to do with the angle of the camera, it also has to do with my old clothes. In the other pictures, I was moving some bricks outside and was in my old baggy clothes, and they really do make me look fatter. I have been putting off getting clothes as long as possible because I don’t want to buy lots of “in between” clothes, however after my bike trip, I’ll need to purchase a few items to hold me over. Regarding seeing myself as fat or thin, because the real life version of me is changing, I will need to change the mental picture of myself that I carry around in my head. It’s been a VERY long time since I felt like the beautiful girl everyone thought was pretty. I miss that girl, whether it was true or not, I liked her the best and that what counts in the end anyway.
April Stats: Ended March at 202.8 and ended April at 199.4 (lost 3 lbs 4 oz)
That is so unimpressive that I was going to take measurements hoping to impress you in that arena, but I completely forgot until just now and it’s late so when I tried to measure myself, my stomach was bigger than last time. Not impressive there either..
I did discover that I can ride up the hill to our house without getting out of breath or shifting down to my lowest gear. I’ve never done that before. Hopefully that will impress you, because that’s really all I’ve got. Oh and I think I’m metabolizing 400 to 500 more calories daily.
I guess to sum up, my friend was right when she sent me one of those inspirational quotes that said “Change doesn’t come in nickels and dimes, it comes in dedication and sweat.” I also find it amazingly appropriate to compare it to nickels and dimes and not fifties and hundreds, because the change in every area of my life right now could be measured in nickels and dimes.
Still….. Keep moving forward.