My last birthday was as forgotten as I could make it. I told my family I wasn’t having a birthday and I changed the date of my birthday on Facebook so no one would wish me a happy birthday. I wanted the day to go by forgotten.
Why? I’m constantly evaluating my life and always feel the need to accomplish more, but I suddenly realized what most people realize early in their lives that despite what their parents told them growing up, they really aren’t “special.” This can easily be summed up by the statement “You’re unique, just like everyone else.” I looked back at my life and despite all my unfocused trying (unfocused being the key word), I am sadly average. Realizing this sort of freaked me out so I decided if I’m average I might as well relax, sort of like when Axl on the tv show “The Middle” realizes he’s not the genius they thought (his test scores had been mixed up with the smart kid at school) and he is relieved and says “Yes, I’m living up to my potential! ”
So I started to relax, expecting nothing from myself above what everyone else would expect. I watched a lot of TV that week. Then, somewhere along the line, I forgot about being special and I realized I push myself everyday to be more and I continually fail miserably because I like it. I don’t like failing, but I have hope that some day I wont fail miserably. I believe in doing the right thing just because doing the right thing is the best way to live. Somewhere along the line, I decided to believe the lessons in the Bible and from speakers like Zig Ziglar and Jim Rohn, and I realized THAT is the best, even if I fail miserably over and over and if I am destined to a sadly small existence.
Lately I’m thinking about how in not many years from now I’ll be 40! I remember reading those “40 is over the hill” cards and 40 seemed so far away. Now I am the one nearing 40 and while part of me realizes that age is just a number, the other part of me is panicking that my years are slipping through an hourglass and I can’t stop it. I wont have enough time to get everything done, see everything, do everything. The sand still falls, but I will still try, special or not.